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As the divorce rate in America continues to climb, it's estimated that 60% of all marriages will unravel. If you are about to tie the knot, Dr. Tara offers some valuable wedding insurance to up the odds that you will stay within the happy 40% of those who do keep their rings. Stop looking at flower arrangements and honeymoon brochures for a minute and read this.
Making it Last
Dr. Tara Tells You How To Make Your Wedding Vows Last Beyond The Blissful Day
You have a date, a mate, the most ethereal dress, the most fragrant flowers, a band that doesn't miss a beat and a caterer to make your mouth water. But aren't you forgetting something?
Like planning the marriage?
The vows you make to each other are perhaps the most important part of a wedding ceremony but are often pushed aside until the last minute. Why? Probably because wedding vows represent some pretty important, sometimes controversial promises involving our most fundamental and closely held values.
Wedding planning is a time of high hope and goodwill when most blissful couples tend to avoid topics that lead to conflict. Many believe that because they are in love and communicate well they will just work things out over the course of the marriage. But in fact, the first year of marriage can be a very difficult year. Statistics tells us that 60% of all marriages end in divorce. DR. TARA'S BIG FOUR can ensure that you become one of the successful 40%.
1. Money
He wants to register at Outdoor Activities R-Us; She wants to register for fine china at Tiffanysƒ. He wants to tighten their belt and save for a home, she wants to continue their habit of going to nice restaurants and clubsƒ Often, two people will have different views of money and what it means. Explore where your partners' beliefs and spending styles come from. For instance, your mate may come from a family that had money and always had the peace of mind that in tough times, he could fall back on them for a loan. She on the other hand, may come from a family where there was barely enough to go around and it was the norm to hold two or three part time jobs and to budget carefully knowing that there was no one to fall back on but herself. Money represents fundamental qualities like control, security and how we were raised. Differing views about money may become obvious during the wedding planning process or after you put down rootsƒ but the issue is sure to impact your life together at one point or another.
2. In-Laws
What seems like a normal, healthy relationship between a bride and her family can feel threatening to a groom. For example, if the bride has a close knit family that is used to dropping in unannounced on a regular basis these surprises may feel intrusive to a groom, who might have a more formal relationship with his family where meetings are planned and announced well in advance. Relatives, in-laws and extended families have a huge impact on a couple's relationship. Issues around family loyalties can create an enormous amount of conflict, which can be painfully apparent during the wedding planning process. When couples decide to get married, each partner must transition from putting their parents first and move their spouse into the number one position. Couples need to agree to consult each other first before making decisions and present a united front to their families. These confused loyalties provide a perfect example of what you want to bring into premarital counseling to preempt future conflict.
3. Children
The wedding was a successƒ now he wants to start a family. She's not so sure. He wants his wife to return to work after having a child. She wants to be a full time mom. The question of whether or not you are going to have children must be discussed and accepted before the wedding. Don't feel that you can skirt over this one. Let me say it again. This is one area that is fraught with unspoken and hidden agendas. Don't assume he'll change his mind about having children once you're married. Every couple must discuss whether to have children, when to have children and who will stay home with the children. You might even want to discuss different philosophies regarding discipline link to spanking article on parenting page.
4. Religion
He's never gone to synagogue. She goes every Friday. She's Episcopalian, he's a Buddhist. Will you raise your children with religion? If so, how? Will religion be a part of your family? If so, which religion? Is having an interfaith family a possibility? If so, how do you make it work? Some spiritual or religious orientation is important, and there are many families who have beautifully combined different faiths.
If you are ready to tackle the above issues, and I hope you areƒ..
Don't Go It Alone
Statistics show that couples who have had some sort of structured premarital counseling have a much lower divorce rate than couples who have not. Rabbis, ministers, marriage counselors and workshops abound.
Finally…Give Yourselves A Time Out
Once a week, plan a date when you spend time together just playing. Do something that you've always enjoyed doing together (take a walk on the beach, cook a great meal, play strip poker) to remind yourselves of why you decided to get married in the first place. Have funƒand don't discuss your wedding plans!