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Can Your Marriage Survive An Affair?
Yes…..And It Can Even Be Stronger Than Before
by Dr. Tara
STEPS FOR BOTH OF YOU
1. Make Amends
The cheater must be willing to admit to the affair and acknowledge the pain that they have caused their mate, without excuses.
2. Allow Anger
The cheater has to let their partner express anger freely.
3. Re-Commit
The cheater has to be willing and committed to re-commit to the marriage and work through the steps needed to heal and strengthen the marriage
4. Look Deeper
Both partners need to look at the affair as a symptom of deeper problems not previously acknowledged in their marriage
5. Trust
The cheater must bend over backwards to rebuild the trust. Eg. Keep agreements with your mate, such as coming home on time. Ten minutes will seem like an eternity to someone who has waited before, when it really wasn't just a work commitment.
6. Forgive
This last action is crucial. When you and your partner have worked through the above steps, the last crucial step is for the betrayed to offer forgiveness. Without forgiveness, the cheater may feel that there is no hope for rebuilding the marriage. This step involves being vulnerable and willing to take a risk.. You may never forget, but you can forgive.
7. Give it Time
It's not unreasonable for this process to take up to two years to resolve itself. It takes a tremendous amount of patience, maturity and a strong intention and commitment from both partners. The reward is deeper intimacy, the pride of surviving an ordeal that many do not and rediscovering the important reasons you got married in the first place.
Can an affair really have a happy ending? A letter from a listener who says yes.
If no sex is involved is it still an affair? Does it have to be physical? What would be more painful? Find out in - Affairs of the heart
See Tara discuss this on ABC news. (Click here.)