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Parents!
Take A Time Out Before You Spank
by Dr. Tara
I rarely take a black and white stance on any issue, but here's one that's much too subjective for me to not take a clear stand on.
1. What's a 'gentle' tap on the tush?
Corporal punishment (spanking) might be a 'gentle tap' on the tush for one parent but can be as extreme as a sock in the head, a wrenched arm or badly bruised backside for another parent. In an attempt to raise consciousness about corporal punishment and frame it as an unacceptable means of discipline, the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry has endorsed a proposal to make Oakland California the country's first 'No-Spanking Zone.'
If you have had an experience involving a parent whose disciplinary actions may have resembled abuse, did you get involved, what approach did you take and was it successful?
2. It's not just the physical pain.
I've had countless listeners and patients relay experiences of parents whose version of corporal punishment was almost sexually abusive. To an adolescent, the shame of having their buttocks exposed can be more painful than the sting of their parent's hand or then end of a belt. "We now have enough evidence to know alternative to spanking work better." - American Academy of Pediatrics physician Mark Wolraich.
3. Violence begets violence.
When a parent uses physical punishment as the primary option to control a child's unacceptable behavior, that pattern continues. How do you tell the boy you just smacked not to hit his little sister? An American Academy of Pediatrics report warns that parents who spank may create even more trouble for themselves and their children, and that corporal punishment like spanking can provoke more of the aggressive or unruly behavior parents are trying to stop in the first place. "The more children are spanked, the more anger they report as adults, the more likely they are to spank their own children, the more likely they are to approve of hitting a spouse, and the more marital conflict they experience as adults." - American Academy of Pediatrics
4. What does a spanking teach your child?
Parents who use corporal punishment are actually missing out on an opportunity to help their children build self esteem, choices and control over their environment. A child who is spanked may stop their negative behavior out of fear, but what are they really learning? A child who gets a time out, on the other hand, is given the opportunity to think about their behavior and recognize that they can choose to continue the behavior or not to. Learning to make choices at an early age gives children self esteem and decision making skills which will be invaluable to them throughout their lives. The AAP suggests that praising children for the things they do right and ignoring trivial misdeeds, children will naturally be encouraged to practice good behavior. Check out more tips on Taming Children.
5. Spanking can make parents feel sore.
Parents usually spank children when they themselves are feeling out of control, exhausted and frustrated. When a parent hits a child, that action can result in the parent and the child feeling regretful. According to the AAP, while 90 percent of American families report having used spanking as a means of discipline at some time, 85 percent express remorse and agitation about doing it.
Still Need Convincing?
You think your kids are safely within school walls, but the bruises they come home with may not come from the school bully
Reality check: almost a half a million American children a year are beaten repeatedly with wooden paddles ---- in the classroom!
In Ohio, a high school honors student was paddled by the school principal after she shoved another student . The young woman was struck so hard that she collapsed. She had a bruise that lasted for two weeks, and vaginal bleeding that lasted nearly a month.
In another case a fourth grade boy was knocked unconscious after he hit his head on the classroom floor during a fight with another boy. When the boy came to, the principal paddled him. Later, the child was hospitalized with a concussion.
Paddling in schools has been condemned by such organizations as the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Bar Association, the American Medical Association, the National Association of Elementary School Principals, the National Association of School Psychologists and the National Association of State Boards of Education. But one major institution still approves of spanking at school:
The United States Supreme Court ruled in Ingraham vs. Wright that schools may use corporal punishment, even over the objections of parents.
I was astonished that in 1999 this ruling still stands. Are you as shocked as I am? If your child came home with a bruise, would it even occur to you that it could have come from the principal? And what would you do if it did?
Read what a listener has to say about spanking.