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In the course of all long-term relationships, there will always be that moment when one or both of you look at each other and fear that the passion is gone forever. The good news is that if it was there once, you can almost always get it back. Here's how.
When the Passion Dies
If you find the passion is waning, you're not alone. At some point in the course of any long term relationship one or both partners probably will loose their sexual desire.
Not to worry! As long as the passion was once there, it can be rekindled.
First rule out the possibility of depression. Loss of libido is one of the primary symptoms of depression. Check out our resource page for more information on depression.
Next, take a good look at your health. Hormonal imbalances, heart disease, diabetes, new medications (as benign as antihistamines or as common as antidepressants) can all contribute to loss of libido.
Once the above have been ruled out or attended to, take a good look at your relationship's health.
Sexual problems can be a red flag that your relationship is ailing. Before you run off to a sex therapist, consider the possibility that your sexual problems are only a symptom of deeper emotional problems that are not being addressed.
Some possible underlying causes and cures for bedroom doldrums for you and your mate to explore:
1. Anger:
With women in particular, unacknowledged anger or resentment - especially if it builds up over time - is the number one reason that passion disappears. For true emotional and sexual intimacy you both must have the emotional courage to talk about anger and resentment in your relationship as it occurs. If left unaddressed , what starts as a manageable conflict turns into a mountain of resentment.
2. Stress:
For men and women, family and personal pressures can leave little time or energy for desire in the bedroom. We all need this reality check: balance your life. Time together between the sheets is just as important as household chores, time with the kids, time at the office and the million other things that seem to take precedence.
3. Work
Men's sexuality in particular is vulnerable to financial and career woes. The sexiest lingerie in the world won't fix this one, but an empathetic ear can. Lovingly encourage your partner to open up and discuss any pressures or fears he may be experiencing at work.
4. Exhaustion:
Most of us are seriously sleep deprived, making the thought of sex yet one more chore. Even if it takes a long weekend's worth of sleep, recharge your batteries. Feeling well-rested can do more than a year's worth of sex therapy ever could.
5. Transition Trouble:
It can be difficult for women in particular to make a smooth and effective transition from goo-goo talking spit-up covered mom or professional suit-wearing manager at the office to sexy bedroom wife goddess.
6. Exercise:
Lack of exercise may lead to a lack of passion. Research has shown that women who exercise are more sexual. Women who exercise have a more positive body image and actually feel more sexual immediately following exercise. Exercise affects the hormones responsible for a woman's libido.