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Conflict is inevitable. We will all face conflict in all of our relationships. Conflict isn't good or bad; and the way in which we perceive and deal with it can be either an opportunity for growth or a thorn in the side of the relationship. It's all about how we use conflict. Read on.
Is Conflict So Bad?
Get out of ego land. When you're stuck in a power struggle, put aside your need to be right for the moment and put yourself in your partner's shoes. This creates empathy and helps you to understand their point of view.
Empathize. Understanding and validating your partner's feelings does not mean you have to agree with them. Nor does it mean you have to give up on meeting your own needs. Often feeling understood will mean more to your partner than being right or winning the battle.
Emphasize the positive. When in the midst of a potential battle, instead of focusing on what your partner has done wrong, tell them what they have done right. When approaching a conflict about his sharing your sex life with his friends, first tell him how much you appreciate how attentive he is in bed, then ask him not to share the details of your sex life with his friends. For example, if you wish your husband would spend more time engaging in foreplay, rather than criticizing him for what you're not getting, tell him how you appreciate his attentiveness and tenderness in bed and how lucky you feel to have him as a lover. Then tell him you wish the two of you could be a little more experimental in bed.
Your partner is not a psychic. Don't assume your mate automatically knows what you want or need. Take responsibility for sharing your feelings and needs with your partner. This will preempt conflict and deepen the emotional connection between you.
CONFLICT CAN LEAD TO PERSONAL GROWTH AND GREATER INTIMACY